Give Me My Flowers Now!

I don't know if I blame it on getting older or maybe it is just a part of life, but all of a sudden I'm having more conversations about death.  Months ago my husband and I had an honest one about death and funerals.  I raised the question about why certain things were done at funerals (i.e., open caskets, people giving remorseful speeches to the deceased, the repast, etc.).  Where did it all come from?  For some reason, it all seemed gloomy, sad, depressing, and to some extent pointless. This lead me to actually look into some of my questions.

Believe it or not, I didn't find much concrete information, but I did find some useful information.  During slavery, it was against the law for Blacks to give their loved ones a proper funeral/burial.  Slaves were prohibited from any gatherings in fear that they would revolt against their masters.  So the deceased were buried without any kind of "service".  Eventually, there was a rebellion and masters were force to make concessions just to keep the peace.  Services were a happy occasion because slaves saw death as being able to go home to be with Jesus; a relief from the agony that they suffered (see
http://www.woodsvalentinemortuary.com/The_History_of_African-American_Funeral_Service_320351.html for additional information).

That piece of information was insightful.  I mean, it makes perfect sense that they would be happy to see their fellow slaves "free".  But what does it mean for us today?  After really pondering I knew exactly what bothered me more than anything.  It wasn't really the funeral but more so people using it as an opportunity to say things about the deceased that they never shared while they were alive.

Regret can be destroying.  I don't know when it became so hard to vocalize your appreciation for people but you see it more and more.  People seem to give more voice to their "haters" than they do to that individual who helped changed their lives.  I always tell my kids how important it is to do what is right the first time because you may never get a second opportunity.  

In essence, this turned out to be a great conversation to have, although a dreadful topic.  I learned that I view some things differently but it doesn't necessary make what others do wrong.  I recognize that the way a person is buried has more to do with the people left to do it than the actual deceased.  BUT there are some things you can do to make it more peaceful.  Think about what are you living for:  Will it be hard for people to actually celebrate your life?  Will you leave a legacy?  We are all here to fulfill a purpose no matter how off path we may be at this current time.

I was a teen when my aunt passed unexpectedly.  I can still remember pondering whether or not she knew I loved her.  It became a question I constantly asked God.  I wanted nothing more than one chance to tell her how much I loved her.  I was young and didn't know then, like I know now, that (1) actions can show a person that you love them and (2) the benefit of giving people their flowers now helps both them and you.

The reality is we don't know how many opportunities we will have to give share love.  That's just how this thing called life works.  It is also why God tells us to forgive.  I implore that you use the opportunity that you have and not wait until that person can no longer hear you or appreciate the gesture.  Because no matter how you grieve, living life without regret only helps the process.

Are you serious?

March 2008, July 2009 were months that my coworkers passed unexpectedly. Today I came to work only to find out that another one of my coworkers is in ICU in a coma secondary to a heart attack. Words are truly escaping me right now and all sort of emotions are running through me.

You would think that after two unexpected losses that management would have learned (or even taken classes on) how to deal with these situations. Yes it is true, most of us know that these companies could care less about us. But we generally just feel this way. To have it outright displayed conjures up a lot of other emotions. So what do I mean by outright displayed...the way they (management) decided to tell us (keeping in mind that the office just lost someone a little over a month ago) about our co-worker was in an e-mail that read:

I'm sorry to let you all know that yesterday at 3:15, [he/she] suffered a major cardiac event. [He/She] is currently at [name of hospital]. It is reported that as of yesterday [he/she] was in a coma. We don't know what [his/her] condition is this morning.

While we hope [he/she] has a complete recovery, it is pretty clear [he'll/she'll] be out of the office for an extended period of time. We are therefore reassigning [his/her] backlog this afternoon. This reassignment will count as intake, but examiners won't see the relief on intake until tomorrow.

As additional information becomes available, we will try to keep you all informed.

Are you serious??? I could point out many things that are wrong with this presentation but I will only say this...cases sit longer when people are on vacation!! In every effort to keep my mind in business mode I really have to move on...

But what should YOU know (because I am trying to find the positive in EVERY thing):

1. Know your worth. If you depend on others to show it to you, you may never know it.
2. Know that your actions/comments affect other people.
3. Know that people are human even if they don't act like it (do you see the consequences of forgetting this?)
4. Know how important it is to stay healthy and listen to your body (while we don't know what caused the health problems, we do know that stress, mandatory overtime, enormous backlogs and careless people didn't help the situation).
5. Know that your job will go on without you (so you better do what you gotta do!)
6. Most importantly, know that God is still on the throne. We are overwhelmed with negativity and with that it is sometimes hard to remember this. The word is true and is being fulfilled whether we know it or not. There is a reason that we needed a savior.

It is a lot to not let fear set it (especially considering that these people are all African-American, work in the same office and under 60 years of age) but fear is not of God (He has NOT given us the spirit of fear!). But I cannot stress it enough. Take care of yourselves people! Learn your bodies and listen to them. Yes we have to work to earn a living but don't let the job work you (you see that they don't care and will go on without you)! Pause for a moment...think about it! Stop chasing it and learn to enjoy what you have!

and seriously...have you shown love today? I sure hope so because tomorrow really isn't promised.