Give Me My Flowers Now!

I don't know if I blame it on getting older or maybe it is just a part of life, but all of a sudden I'm having more conversations about death.  Months ago my husband and I had an honest one about death and funerals.  I raised the question about why certain things were done at funerals (i.e., open caskets, people giving remorseful speeches to the deceased, the repast, etc.).  Where did it all come from?  For some reason, it all seemed gloomy, sad, depressing, and to some extent pointless. This lead me to actually look into some of my questions.

Believe it or not, I didn't find much concrete information, but I did find some useful information.  During slavery, it was against the law for Blacks to give their loved ones a proper funeral/burial.  Slaves were prohibited from any gatherings in fear that they would revolt against their masters.  So the deceased were buried without any kind of "service".  Eventually, there was a rebellion and masters were force to make concessions just to keep the peace.  Services were a happy occasion because slaves saw death as being able to go home to be with Jesus; a relief from the agony that they suffered (see
http://www.woodsvalentinemortuary.com/The_History_of_African-American_Funeral_Service_320351.html for additional information).

That piece of information was insightful.  I mean, it makes perfect sense that they would be happy to see their fellow slaves "free".  But what does it mean for us today?  After really pondering I knew exactly what bothered me more than anything.  It wasn't really the funeral but more so people using it as an opportunity to say things about the deceased that they never shared while they were alive.

Regret can be destroying.  I don't know when it became so hard to vocalize your appreciation for people but you see it more and more.  People seem to give more voice to their "haters" than they do to that individual who helped changed their lives.  I always tell my kids how important it is to do what is right the first time because you may never get a second opportunity.  

In essence, this turned out to be a great conversation to have, although a dreadful topic.  I learned that I view some things differently but it doesn't necessary make what others do wrong.  I recognize that the way a person is buried has more to do with the people left to do it than the actual deceased.  BUT there are some things you can do to make it more peaceful.  Think about what are you living for:  Will it be hard for people to actually celebrate your life?  Will you leave a legacy?  We are all here to fulfill a purpose no matter how off path we may be at this current time.

I was a teen when my aunt passed unexpectedly.  I can still remember pondering whether or not she knew I loved her.  It became a question I constantly asked God.  I wanted nothing more than one chance to tell her how much I loved her.  I was young and didn't know then, like I know now, that (1) actions can show a person that you love them and (2) the benefit of giving people their flowers now helps both them and you.

The reality is we don't know how many opportunities we will have to give share love.  That's just how this thing called life works.  It is also why God tells us to forgive.  I implore that you use the opportunity that you have and not wait until that person can no longer hear you or appreciate the gesture.  Because no matter how you grieve, living life without regret only helps the process.

Let's be real

As I continue my efforts to becoming the best me I can be I've come across some things that I'm not too proud about. Don't get me wrong because I'm not surprised at all by my findings--TRUE self-evaluation brings this and it isn't the first time these issues have been brought to the forefront but apparently this time I must be more prepared to actually deal with them.

Love.Forgive

I've never really thought of myself as an unloving person; while I can't say the same about forgiveness. You cross me once that's my fault but I would always make sure that you wouldn't get a second chance at that. So in my life I can look back and see where relationships (platonic and otherwise) were lost or even not created due to this type of harshness (yeah it's harsh). I in no way am suggesting that we be apart of unhealthy relationships but I know that all of the relationships that I have turned away from haven't been because of unhealthy reasons. Point blank, I've practiced selective love and forgiveness. Now some may not see a problem with that but I beg to differ:

John 13:34-35
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

1 John 4:11
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Of course you know I could go on. Now don't you go to thinking that I'm this totally heartless person because that's not at all the point or who I am. But if you stop and think about it, it really is easier to love the people you like and forgive the people you love.

These are the areas in my life that I need to improve; the challenges I need to overcome--loving and forgiving my "enemies". It is a hard cookie to swallow. I don't have the answers or a plan as to how tackle this, which for me it also hard (I'm used to having Plans A-D and E if I need it). But what I do know is that there are some things in life that you can't handle in and of your own strength: God can only help you to fix what you have first acknowledged. He will stretch you beyond your comfort zone wanting you to lean on Him. And you WILL take the test until you pass it.

So as I cast my cares, my hope is that you will do your own self-evaluation. Don't beat yourself up about what you find but work to make it better.

Someone recently told me and I'll share it with you: The way you treat other people is a direct reflection of your relationship with Christ.

Let us work to share some agape