Are you throwing in the towel AGAIN?

When I think about my ancestors one word immediately comes to mind:  Perseverance.  Despite all of their circumstances, they always kept going; kept praying; kept expecting a change.  Life rarely dictated their mood.  I mean, I can literally visualize my grandmother sitting in the window, rubbing her knee, and hymning praises.  Regardless of the circumstances, she always had a song, even if that song had no words.

Somewhere along the way this has been lost even for those who had constant images of this strength.  Weak, faithless, and hopeless are what most of us have become...When did we become a people who lacked perseverance?  

I know we are often called the microwave generation and there is some truth to that.  If it doesn't happen now then hands are thrown up and towels are thrown in.  There's this sense of entitlement; as though working for something is the ultimate sin.  

If this is you, you need a serious reality check! You see, even when our ancestors didn't have a brother, sister, mother, father to pull greatness out of them they eventually figured out that there was something within themselves that helped them endure.  They understood what it meant to encourage themselves.  They understood that life wasn't simply about what you had and didn't have.  AND they knew that throwing in the towel wasn't an option because it was about more than just them!

Just like living by faith isn't an option, neither is perseverance.  Things won't always go your way and you might experience a few pity parties along the way--what matters most is that you don't stay in that pit!  And because God is never trying to teach us to be dependent on anyone other than Him, there won't always be someone there to throw you a rope.  

Find your inner strength.  Make sure if you are throwing in the towel it is only to because you have a new one to carry; not just for you but also for the generation coming behind you.  


"I have observed something else under the sun.  The fastest runner doesn't always win the race and the strongest warrior doesn't always win the battle". (Ecclesiates 9:11 NLT).


 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint". (Isaiah 40:31)

Career Change: Is it too late?

This is a question I ask myself almost daily: Is it too late?  When you move from job-minded to career-minded, there are certain things that become "must-haves".  And those "must-haves" vary across individuals.

A few years ago, I absolutely loved my job but now not so much.  So what exactly becomes the next move when you've spent so much time and energy in one field? Most would say you ride it out because you can't start over or you've put too much time in but that's just not in the cards for me.  I believe that you can have a career that you love, but it doesn't come without hard work and risks.

I don't have all the answers, here are some suggestions on how to begin this journey:

1.)  Assess:  So you've decided this is what you want to do, well what next?  You need to take time and figure out what you love.  I know you've heard the question what would you do for free?  While it sounds cliche, it really isn't.  It is purely a mechanism to help you find your passion, if you would do it for free you definitely would do it for compensation!

2.) Research:  Once you've figured out what you love, you need to research the qualifications need to enter that field.  Do you need a degree?  Do you need a certification?  Are there ways to "sincerely" network (I add sincerely because I'm totally against doing something solely for the benefit of personal gain but that's a whole different blog)?  If you are starting a business, what do you need?  If it is a position, can you find a job posting?  The more you know the better.  Google is our friend :-)

3.) Action: Get to it! This is where you work your research!  Rework your resume bringing to the forefront the skills you already have that meet the ideal position.  Apply for certifications/school.  Meet people doing what it is you want to do.  Know that anything worth having doesn't come easy.  This means continuing to move forward even when things look bleak.

Career changes will always pose some kind of risk.  You have to decide how big of a risk you are willing to take.  One thing for sure, the probability of receiving a return on nothing, is nothing.  In other words, don't expect a return if you haven't put in the work.

Give Me My Flowers Now!

I don't know if I blame it on getting older or maybe it is just a part of life, but all of a sudden I'm having more conversations about death.  Months ago my husband and I had an honest one about death and funerals.  I raised the question about why certain things were done at funerals (i.e., open caskets, people giving remorseful speeches to the deceased, the repast, etc.).  Where did it all come from?  For some reason, it all seemed gloomy, sad, depressing, and to some extent pointless. This lead me to actually look into some of my questions.

Believe it or not, I didn't find much concrete information, but I did find some useful information.  During slavery, it was against the law for Blacks to give their loved ones a proper funeral/burial.  Slaves were prohibited from any gatherings in fear that they would revolt against their masters.  So the deceased were buried without any kind of "service".  Eventually, there was a rebellion and masters were force to make concessions just to keep the peace.  Services were a happy occasion because slaves saw death as being able to go home to be with Jesus; a relief from the agony that they suffered (see
http://www.woodsvalentinemortuary.com/The_History_of_African-American_Funeral_Service_320351.html for additional information).

That piece of information was insightful.  I mean, it makes perfect sense that they would be happy to see their fellow slaves "free".  But what does it mean for us today?  After really pondering I knew exactly what bothered me more than anything.  It wasn't really the funeral but more so people using it as an opportunity to say things about the deceased that they never shared while they were alive.

Regret can be destroying.  I don't know when it became so hard to vocalize your appreciation for people but you see it more and more.  People seem to give more voice to their "haters" than they do to that individual who helped changed their lives.  I always tell my kids how important it is to do what is right the first time because you may never get a second opportunity.  

In essence, this turned out to be a great conversation to have, although a dreadful topic.  I learned that I view some things differently but it doesn't necessary make what others do wrong.  I recognize that the way a person is buried has more to do with the people left to do it than the actual deceased.  BUT there are some things you can do to make it more peaceful.  Think about what are you living for:  Will it be hard for people to actually celebrate your life?  Will you leave a legacy?  We are all here to fulfill a purpose no matter how off path we may be at this current time.

I was a teen when my aunt passed unexpectedly.  I can still remember pondering whether or not she knew I loved her.  It became a question I constantly asked God.  I wanted nothing more than one chance to tell her how much I loved her.  I was young and didn't know then, like I know now, that (1) actions can show a person that you love them and (2) the benefit of giving people their flowers now helps both them and you.

The reality is we don't know how many opportunities we will have to give share love.  That's just how this thing called life works.  It is also why God tells us to forgive.  I implore that you use the opportunity that you have and not wait until that person can no longer hear you or appreciate the gesture.  Because no matter how you grieve, living life without regret only helps the process.

What does justice look like?

Anger, agony, sadness...The emotions I can put a name to while watching Fruitvale; even knowing how it will end.  As I sat trying to sort out my feelings, trying to make sense of something that doesn't, all I could do is sob. 

What does a parent tell their child?  They are here to serve and protect but not you? Or who cares if you've done anything wrong you just want to get out alive?  Or you have no rights when dealing with them?  Or considering Trayvon, they can stand their ground but you can't?

So many questions, to things that you will never have the answer to.  And at this point does it even really matter?  We wanted a video in Trayvon's case but they had them and still convicted this man to manslaughter and only 2 years in prison.  As if that wasn't a big enough slap in the face, he only serves 11 months.  11 months for a life? And they call that justice?

Movies like this, but wait...it wasn't just a movie.  It reminds us of work we have to do to make sure our children are safe and to make justice be what it should: "a concept of moral rightness based on ethics, rationality, law, natural law, religion, equity or fairness, as well as the administration of the law, taking into account the inalienable and inborn rights of all human beings and citizens, the right of all people and individuals to equal protection before the law of their civil rights, without discrimination on the basis of race, gender, sexual orientation,gender identity, national origin, color, ethnicity, religion, disability, age, or other characteristics, and is further regarded as being inclusive of social justice"

I can remember asking my mom how she does it?  Her answer: you pray and leave it in God's hand.  Now I have one of my own and I have to add to that that faith without works is dead.  ACTION...It is so important that we not only face the truth about the world that we live in (because Oscar and Trayvon are only two names we know) but that we find away to do what we can to make sure we don't have to call another name.  All of those emotions mean nothing if we don't turn it into something positive.  So as I search for and execute my way, I hope you'll do the same.

For those who haven't yet seen Fruitvale, check it out before it leaves the theaters.  

http://www.fruitvalefilm.com/

Can We Really Lean In?

I first heard about the book Lean In on a morning news show.  At that time the book had not even been released but had mega buzz.  The conversations on these shows sparked my interest.  There were tons of questions about what the author, Sheryl Sandberg, hoped to accomplish, why she didn't offer solutions, and even if it was purely an autobiography.

Well here's my take:

I actually enjoyed the book.  Sandberg is correct in that it isn't an autobiography, despite it reading like one.  While statistics are incorporated, the book shares the experiences of Sandberg in addition to other women.  I now understand why the discussions held prior to the books release were all over the place.  Simply put, it will mean different things to different people.  Life experiences will impact how you feel about this book and in some cases whether you will agree with Sandberg's perspective.   In my opinion, the book is not meant to solve all of the issues related to women in leadership (although she does offer some suggestions about improvements); instead, it pushes self-reflection on ways you can begin to "Lean In". 

For me, it brought out the biases I had about women leaders.  If you had of asked me my gender preference for a supervisor, hands down I would have said a man.  In my mind, I've had the worst women supervisors.  At least that's what I let myself believe.  When I actually took time out to write them out, only been 2 or 3 were span of Satan.  

After letting go of that, I began to feel empowered. There was this connection, a feeling that someone understood the challenges one faces being a women in corporate America.  And quite honestly, some of those challenges I never correlated to gender. 

I would be amiss to not acknowledge the things this book helped me learn about myself ; I now sit at the table!  But even if that had not occurred, I would applaud it if for nothing else than it has people talking.

“Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.”

New Beginnings: Week Three

Part of blogging requires a certain kind of honesty that sometimes you would rather keep to yourself.  That's how I feel this week. I'd rather keep this week under the cover but since you all have been apart of this journey I'm going to put it all out there.

This week was my hardest clean-eating week.  I began to have some serious chocolate cravings and since I wasn't going to find "clean" chocolate I ignored those cravings.  At first it seemed awkward because this is week 3.  Why would I be having these craving in week 3?  Well I posed that question and someone asked when was my cycle.  Welp...They were right (why didn't I think of that?).  Normally, the symptoms I experience are migraines, leg and stomach pains.  The pains I had were minimal and I did not experience any migraines.  Unfortunately I felt extremely weak and even had a dizzy spell.  Increasing my food intake helped some but for 2-3 days I had minimal energy.  By day 4, I felt more like myself.

Although it has only been a short time, I do feel like this has become apart of me.  I don't pick up much of anything without reading the label.  I can tell my stomach is smaller and we won't even talk about the amount of weight I've lost in such a small period of time.  Exercise is even become an important part of my life.

When I began, I did not expect to make it this far.  This started as a four week challenge; meaning next week will be the end of the challenge.  However, now I know that this can really be a life change for me.  I won't say I would never indulge in some of the things that I gave up but I don't plan on it ever having that kind of control over me ever again.  I will continue to take it one day at a time.  I'm enjoying the ride.

I truly encourage all of you to look within to see what kind of changes you could do to improve your health.  Nothing is too small as we all have to start somewhere.  Change isn't easy but when you work hard at something the reward is wonderful.

New Beginnings: Week Two

The excitement of the change wore off this week but I am happy to report that clean eating is becoming more of a habit.  I am continuing to experiment with different dishes and vegetables.  What I didn't expect is the change I feel towards food.  I see it more in the light of nourishment; a source of energy.  I don't find myself constantly thinking about food anymore and must admit that I'm shocked. I've heard that this happens, but to have this happen so soon is truly amazing to me. It may be a sign that I was truly ready and prepared for change.

This week brought on a new challenge of reminding myself to eat.  I don't know why it is that I rarely feel hungry; maybe my stomach is shrinking or maybe I don't recognize the new hunger signs.  Either way, I don't think about food as much as I use to.  I utilize MyFitnessPal to keep track of the amount of calories I eat and the majority of days I end up trying to find something to eat just to reach my 1200 calorie mark.  It also doesn't take much for me to have that full feeling.  So I have to continue to be mindful of this because I don't want to "starve" my body.

I have had more sugar cravings this week but no headaches.  It isn't so much that clean eating eliminates sugar because there is raw sugar and honey.  I have just chosen not to use much of either because I do have a concern about exchanging one addiction for another.  The good thing is I've gotten use to drinking plain tea and when I have a craving usually almonds fulfills it.  I don't feel like I've given up sweets either.  I know that if I really want something I just have to get in the baking mood.  The Internet has plenty of "clean" baking recipes.

I am so proud of myself.  I've learned so much but mostly that food does not have control over me as much as I believed.  I am giving this my all and have had to make major changes in my life to accomplish what I have thus far.  Meal planning is a MUST.  It is part of the reason why I don't have to consistently think about food because I already know what I will be eating.  This coupled with exercise has been wonderful for me.  I don't feel sluggish or heavy.  I push myself more because I've conquered something that I really thought I never could.  I'm no longer the sweet queen and am glad to pass that crown on...